LETTER TO MY FUTURE WIFE - NOBLE IGWE

A must read, quite hilarious;

Dear Future Wife,
 

I don’t know what you look like, if you are out here or reading this right now! If you are, please print this letter and bring it to our wedding reception. It will make a good read before our guests. They say behind every successful man is a woman. I’ll like to say that behind every successful man is a good woman because I’ve seen men that have shut down their businesses because they got involved with the wrong woman.

    I want to be successful and I need to find you right now more than ever. You may not know how much I need you but I come home every night with stories that I would love to share with someone special. I come home late from clubs sometimes wishing you’d be in bed waiting for me to hug your warm body. Your slot in my life is so empty it hurts because I know you are out there without me.

 I’ve often imagined how you look. Are you dark or fair in complexion? Are you Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa? I play around with different images in my head but one thing stands out, I know you are very curvy.

 Mum can’t wait to meet you and believe me, sometime ago she wanted to hook me up with a certain Kunrunmi from my village but that didn’t work. Since we are talking about mum, I’ve always prayed for a marriage where mum and my wife would be best friends. I’ll do everything possible to make sure that mum treats you like her daughter. This I promise you.

 I still don’t know why I’m writing you but I guess I was motivated by Waje’s song “Falling” especially the part that says “If you are ever planning on showing up, now would be perfect, now would be good”.

 I totally agree with her that now would be perfect. I‘ve waited for long and I need to start loving you on time. I’ve booked my tattoo date because I promise to tattoo your name on my back the day I’ll propose to you. I’m not scared of having your name on my back because when I see you, I’ll know and I promise never to leave you. No matter where we are, we must speak to each other every day at noon and have lunch once every week when we are in the same city. I’ll tattoo your initials on my “wedding ring” finger as a constant reminder to all that I belong to you totally and in whole.

 I’ve gone as far as selecting some of our special songs. On our wedding day, when you walk into the church, we’ll have Waje signing, “Here comes the bride” And just after the exchange of vows, Waje will do an accappela of “One Naira”. We’ll walk into the reception with Lami performing “Know“ Our first dance together as husband and wife should be Banky W’s “Till my dying day" Followed by Darey‘s “With this woman“ Then MI’s “God Bless You” And we’ll round our dance up with Wande Coal’s “Ololufe”.

    I know I’m making all these plans without considering you but I’ll be willing to change all or accept any modifications from you even though I pray you love them too.

    Is it okay if I tell you certain things about me? I hate hot tea. I’m not particular about food; I can eat Indomie, fried egg and plantain, 3 times a day for one month without complaining.

    I watch loads of movies and would totally be glad if you enjoy same.

    Dear, I don’t know what you don’t like but I’m totally against hairnet and wrapper.I can’t stand both either in the kitchen or in the bedroom. We’ll invest in hair wraps.

    I would have said that the maximum cloth size you are allowed to get to is 10 but that may sound superficial to other people reading this, so I’ll just leave that for us to discuss one on one. I’m Yoruba and we try hard to take care of our wives.
    I’ll work hard to make sure you don’t go hungry for one day till your dying day.

    I’ll let you decide the number of kids we’ll have but I don’t think 3 kids will be bad and together we can make a happy family of five. It’s 8:45am 17th of Jan, 2013 and I know you are somewhere out there and it does not matter if you are in another man’s arms, when I do meet you, I promise never to let you go.

    I promise to take care of you, provide you with all the reasonable good things of life that money can buy.

    If you are reading this, please give me a sign. Walk up to me on the street and plant a hot kiss on my lips as a sign.

    I look forward to the day I’ll meet you and when I meet you it does not matter where we’ve been to or who we’ve been with, we will give each other clean slates to start life afresh together as one.

    Someday I’ll go on my right knee with All 4 One‘s “I Swear“ playing in the background and I’ll ask you to marry me.

    When we wake up in the morning, we’ll have Az Yet’s “Last Night” on repeat while we have breakfast.

    I’ll write you from time to time to express how much you mean to me.

    Love, hugs and tiny wet kisses,

    Your future husband,

    Nobs aka Stubborn Biafran soldier