Sunday, 16 December 2012


As close and in love as you may be with your current partner, I think it’s safe to say there’s something your partner doesn’t know about you. While I believe that most couples should have little to no secrets between them, revealing too much or digging up the past that has no bearing on who you are today may be irrelevant, and cause unnecessary drama in your relationship. All couples are different, and if you feel your union is so strong that it can sustain anything that you divulge about yourself, then great! But if you don’t feel obligated to reveal everything there is to know about your life, here are a few things I feel you might be able to keep close to the vest....

1. Your best sex: If your best sex wasn’t with your current partner, there’s no need to tell him that. You’ve got to know that, right? If he asks you if he was, simply say, “Awww babe, you know I love you” and hopefully that’ll distract him. If he doesn’t fall for it, I see no reason why telling a little fib will hurt. Men have fragile egos, so stroke it.
2. Number of sex partners:  I don’t know why people ask this question, particularly men. No matter how many people you tell him you’ve slept with, the number will mostly likely always be too high for him. It’s absolutely a no-win situation.Your best bet is to simply not answer the question, although that could cause him to become more suspicious and make unwarranted judgments of you. If he pressures you to answer, you can either make up a number that you feel is reasonable and qualify it by saying, “But they were all long-term boyfriends” or you can say, “No one matters that came before you babe.”
3. A past affair:  I don’t necessarily believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. If you’ve learned from the error of your ways and have vowed that you will never cheat (or be the mistress or side chick) in relationships ever again, then you can probably keep that bit of information to yourself. If he asks you if you’ve ever cheated on a boyfriend, you may feel compelled to be honest since you don’t consider yourself to be a cheater anymore – and that’s honorable. But telling him that you cheated on an ex or were involved with a married man may only cause him to question his relationship with you and wonder if you’ll do the same thing to him. 

4. An abortion: If you had an abortion as a result of getting pregnant in a past relationship, there is no reason you should feel the need to tell anyone that – especially if it’s an experience you’d rather not relive. You shouldn’t hide a pregnancy or an abortion from a current boyfriend but that could also be considered your prerogative. Now if you cannot conceive or carry a baby to term because of a past abortion, and your current partner wants to have children, then you may need to come clean. 

5. Previous STD: If you contracted a disease 10 years ago before you met your current partner and it has since been treated and cured, and you haven’t had one since, then you may be able to move past that experience and not share. Sexual history is a delicate topic that most people have a hard time addressing. But if you’ve had several STD’s or currently have a condition that you can pass onto your partner, he or she should be told about it…BEFORE you have sex. Condom or not.

6. Prior criminal behaviour: you can probably keep the public indecency charge you caught in college to yourself,  if you were busted for shoplifting as a teenager and the charge has since been expunged and your records sealed, then you can keep your lips sealed on that one as well. If you are no longer criminally minded and have been an upstanding citizen who abides by the law, then don’t give him or her a reason to give you the side eye…or sleep with one eye open.
7. An information about your ex: Unless your ex is your child’s parent or is stalking you your current partner has no reason to know anything about any of your exes. If your ex is still trying to get back together with you, you may decide this is information is on a “need-to-know” basis, because you may feel you can handle your ex on your own. But if the ex is posting inappropriate comments on your Facebook page, is disrespecting your relationship or trying to sabotage it, then and only then should your ex’s name come up to your current partner so that he or she is in the loop as to what is going on. Otherwise, leave your ex and that relationship in the past and keep his name out of your mouth. By constantly bringing up your ex, that’ll just make your current boo wonder if you’re over him, and could possibly make him jealous or feel insecure

8. You toy collection: Unless you are a sex addict, there is no reason your man should know about your secret stash of adult videos or sex toys if you don’t want him to. While some men would welcome the use of such props to your sex lives together, others may not be as open minded and may find those things offensive or even intimidating.

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